Being Submissive in a Relationship: Who’s Really in Charge?


When you decide that you want to be submissive in a relationship, and not just in the bedroom, you have to make sure that your partner is also on board, or that you find one that will be. The great thing about being a submissive is that even though your Dom is technically “the boss”, you are going to be the one setting most of the limits and saying what you are and aren’t okay with. The secret to successful dom sub relationships is making sure that everyone is on the same page.

Being submissive in a relationship involves knowing what is expected of you, which should be agreed upon ahead of time. The nature of a D/S relationship varies from one couple to the next, really, but it’s important to understand that “submissive” doesn’t mean doormat. The best and most successful dominant and submissive relationships have strict boundaries and a balance of power between both partners that makes it enjoyable for everyone involved.

Get the Facts

Before you can sit down and have a conversation with your partner about this, you need to read up on being submissive within a relationship and how to do so effectively. Find out what the different relationship options are and how you can become a better submissive partner, as well as what kinds of things you can offer your partner when you bring up the subject. If you’ve already agreed upon the exploration into dom sub relationships, do the research together and find out all about how to be the best in your roles.

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Talk to Your Partner

The best submissives have an open dialogue with their partners at all times. They are willing to discuss their desires, limits, and interests. If you want to try being a submissive in your relationship, you need to ask your partner how they feel. You might be surprised at their willingness, but the reality is that there are a lot more people interested in dom/sub relationships and other kinks than you might think. The foundation of any good BDSM relationship is built on communication, after all, so you need to start talking before you do anything.

Consider the Commitment Level

Do you want to be submissive in the bedroom, or across every aspect of your relationship? Do you already have a partner with whom you want to explore this, or are you also looking for a Dom to help you become the best sub that you can be? All of these things will impact how successful you are at learning how to be a great submissive partner. If you just want a little kinky D/S roleplaying in the bedroom now and then, make that clear. If you want to go full dominant and submissive in every way, make sure that your partner is on the same page.

Ultimately, being the submissive partner in a relationship can be a great experience. You can alleviate a lot of the anxiety and make it a more enjoyable experience by planning ahead and being prepared.